Tales from the projection booth: Silence is Golden

Well I know you were all bitterly disappointed that I brushed over Big Momma’s House 3 in my last post so gather round friends, for I have a tale to tell.  A tale of something that happened at work today which gave more insight and a better review of the film than any critic could possibly provide.

I work as a projectionist and after starting the film (screen 1, 3.35pm if you’re interested, haha!  You’re not.  And you know what if you are, stop reading now, I don’t want you here.  There’s plenty more internet to explore.  Go look at Two Girls One Cup and then excitedly tell your dumb little friends how ‘hilarious’ it is.), I left the projection booth, sneering at the people who paid to watch such cinematic swill.  Later, while doing my routine screen checks, I waltzed in during the film and as one might expect, the auditorium was filled with young children and teenagers.  And guess what?  Apart from a single outburst from what can only have been a lone howler monkey enjoying the riotous larks...Dead.  Fucking.  Silence.

And while that seemed to sum up Big Momma’s House rather neatly, what I couldn’t help wondering is WHY CAN’T KIDS BEHAVE LIKE THAT WHEN I’M TRYING TO WATCH A FILM?  It just doesn’t seem fair.  Unfortunately folks, the situation seems to be this: If you want kids to sit in stony silence, allowing you a peaceful viewing experience, you may have to limit your cinema viewings to films  starring Martin Lawrence.  It gets me wondering if this wouldn’t be a better way to market his – ugh – ‘comedies’. 

‘Want to sit in a quiet cinema with nary a chuckle nor murmur to be heard?  Come see Big Momma’s House 3!  Yes it’s shit, but at least the kids keep their Cheesestring holes shut!’

I might watch it if I saw that on the poster.

No, I wouldn’t.